Orgy XIII
by Blazing Fool
Summary: Part 2: If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. [Organization XIII x Organization XIII] [Twilight Town x Twilight Town] [Riku x Pornography][Implied sexual content]
1. Motel 6

I am so very, very sorry for this. May the world forgive me.

But admit it. You know someone was going to make this joke sooner or later.

* * *

Roxas awoke.

Well, he didn't merely _awake_, not really. It was more of a gradual, creeping thing. He'd been happily ensconced in dream land (he remembered something about a cat, a fat queen, and a bunch of card soldiers trying to behead him- better keep a close eye on X in the future) when suddenly vicious, nasty old Mister Consciousness stole up behind him and sank its festering, rotting barbs into his unprotected back.

He would have happily beat the daylights out of it (knocking consciousness unconscious, now _there_ was a thought) with that giant key that followed him around (it wasn't much of a Key_blade_, honestly, no point, edge, or anything else that usually went along with the term) but had found, to his eternal chagrin, that metaphorical manifestations of awakening can't be dispelled with giant hunks of metal, whether they be blades or no.

He awoke with a pounding head and a gaping hole in his memory. Apparently the gods of the forge had relocated to his skull, as every second that passed was a hammerfall of agony. This was the mother of all headaches, he supposed. Perhaps. The grandmother? Maybe… maybe even the _great_-grandmother.

Damn. Now that was a scary thought.

But what was far more disturbing was the fact that he couldn't remember anything after downing that 3rd martini at the annual faculty party last night. Some would dispute that he was a minor and therefore prohibited from alcoholic beverages, but what those (ugly and smelly, in Roxas' opinion) disputers failed to realize was that they were _all _minors. Having come into (non)existence with the un-aging physical bodies of their predecessors, most of them had really only been "born" a few years ago. Why, Roxas himself was perhaps the most handsome, intelligent, handsome, drop-dead gorgeous, and _extremely mature _1-year-old alive. (One _and a half, _he would explain with great pride).

Ah, but he was drifting. In his own mind. While in the throes of a massive migraine. Was this the work of Namine?(He refused to dignify her name with the accent). She'd been known to mess with their minds before when those magic pieces of paper and crayons she so obsessed over apparently ceased being magic. Last week's escapade involved Saix (_No accent for you either, bub_! thought Roxas maliciously), an elegant yellow dress, the false memories of a certain resident of Beast's Castle, and the Beast himself. It was impossible to say who was the angrier upon Saix' restoration, which had only taken place after she felt Saix had flirted with the poor furball enough. No Nobody was allowed on his goddamn property, the Beast had elegantly informed them with all the couth of a middleaged airship pilot, except Xaldin, because they had poker and he needed to win Cogsworth back (and Roxas would be glad to see him go, the little bastard had made a bad habit of sitting on his endtable every night and ringing every morning). And Namine wondered why they kept her locked up at Oblivion.

But he couldn't smell the scent of broken crayons and decaying flesh, factors that usually indicated Namine's involvement. Therefore she was certainly not to blame.

But what if that's what she wanted him to think? What if she had put that memory there? What if she had put _all _his current memories there?

This day was getting scary and he hadn't even woken up yet. Headache or no headache, he desired to throw himself at the feet of the designated driver who had braved perilous danger to get the group home that night. Well, as long as it wasn't Marluxia. All that gardening and he never once washed his shoes.

With a groan, Roxas eased himself into a sitting position, barely registering that his cloak was off (an offense declared as high treason by Xemnas- "YOU WILL SHOWER AND SLEEP WITH THESE CLOAKS. LITERALLY. SLEEP WITH THEM NOW."). Nor did he notice that his gloves were gone too. And his shirt. And his pants. Wait, and his _pants_…? And his… boxers?

What the hell?

Okay, so maybe he _did _notice.

Yep, a quick glance down at his nether regions confirmed that he was a naked as his birth in the hospital room. Well, actually, that analogy doesn't work here, now does it? Hmm… Okay, as naked as the day he was spawned from Sora's body and soul. Was he naked when Xemnas found him? Yes. He was. Seriously.

Stop drooling.

Hand check!

You fail.

Obviously, something had happened last night. He didn't usually come home from drinking stark nude (that was Luxord. And Xigbar. And Demyx. And Axel. And sometimes Vexen. And occasionally Larxene, though they weren't exactly complaining) and on the occasions that he did, someone always took the trouble to gang up on him and force him to at least wear some boxer shorts. Last night, no Nobody did. Something was wrong here.

There was also the fact that this wasn't his bed.

Or his room.

Or his _castle._

To be honest, he had _no idea_ where he was. The room was dark and filthy, rats littering the floor (one of them looked particularly regal, and those round ears seemed kinda familiar). A shudder of fear ran through him. The Organization had a lot of enemies, after all. What if he had been kidnapped? He was also naked, of course. What kind of sick, twisted people was he dealing with?

"E'eey, Roxy, you're awake!" came a cheerful voice. Roxas twirled towards the door, expecting the worst- only to see that no one was there.

The voice had come from right next to him.

It was also very familiar.

"AXEL?" yelled Roxas in confusion as the red-haired man arose from a heap of blankets next to him- a little _too _close for comfort.

"Roxy… Foxy… Foxy Roxy!" slurred Axel. "Yeah… yeah… How ya feelin', foxy? Sore? I am! Doesn't mean I can't keep goin', though. You wanna do it right now?"

"…What?"

"Aw, whatssa matter, foxy?" grinned Axel stupidly. He slipped an arm around Roxas, who twisted away in disgust.

"Gah! Axel!"

"Thaaaat's m'name, beautiful!"

"What the… how did… what's… GAAAAAH!" Roxas, in his shock, had lost the ability to form a coherent question. "What… What _happened_? Why are you naked? Why am _I _naked? Where are we?"

"Why _are_ we naked?" repeated Axel. "It was your idea to take off our cloaks. Personally I just wanted to do it with them still on, but you're so _cute _when you smile!"

"What? Axel, work with me here! What's going on?" shouted Roxas.

"Aw, all work and no play makes Axel a dull boy. I'd rather _play _with you. Like last night."

"Focus, man! We've got to figure out what-"

Suddenly and horribly, Axel's words hit Roxas like a Fat Bandit on a catapult.

"Are you… saying… we…" he whimpered.

"Hey, is Roxy awake?" came a voice from the covers, and suddenly Demyx was in the bed with them on Roxas' left. "Sweet! We ready to go again?"

"Demyx! Thank the heavens. Axel's gone nuts, he says we- Oh _shit_ you're naked too and can we PLEASE STOP TOUCHING ME?" he screamed the last part at Axel, who grinned guiltily.

Okay. OKAY. Roxas took a deep breath, as he feared he was beginning to hyperventilate. He needed to stay calm, he needed to STAY CALM DEAR GOD WHAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT. His thoughts began to crash together and run over each other. A stray gust of wind pulled back the curtains, and Roxas spotted a large sign outside his window: _Motel 6._

"Whatssa matter, Rox?" asked Demyx. "You're acting really weird. That last martini go to your head?"

"I think it did." said Roxas calmly, his voice seeming to come from afar. "It _obviously _did, which is why I'm having this nightmare. In just a few moments, I'll wake up in my own bed, and you two won't be there telling me we had a gay threesome-"

"Gay?" cried an indignant feminine voice from the covers, and then Larxene was there cuddled up next to Axel. "Do I look like a man to you?"

"AAAAGH!" screamed Roxas. "But-but-but!"

"I know, I know, it's sexy." Axel smirked, and Roxas violently recoiled from Axel's hand on his posterior. "I'll get to you in minute, okay? Larxy needs love too, and you got all the attention you needed last night." At this, Larxene purred and hugged herself close to Axel's head.

"BUT!" insisted Roxas. "How can she _be _here? She's dead! That Keybearer guy killed her! GHOST! _GHOST_!"

"He killed _all_ of us," said Zexion, popping up next to Demyx, "but you didn't think we'd miss this just for _that, _did you?"

"Just how big is this bed, anyway?" Roxas was by now embarrassed beyond all recognition, blushing furiously and holding the blankets close to his private parts. "Um, uh, okay Roxas, think rationally here. This is clearly a hallucination, a dream, a subconscious manifestation of your fear of… sleazy motels!"

"Talking to yourself is a sign of insanity, you know." said Zexion matter-of-factly. "And the only way to cure it is with good old-fashioned butt sex. Are we all ready?"

"I know I am!" came a deep rumble, and to Roxas' eternal horror, Lexaeus arose from the opposite side of the bed. To Roxas' _eternally _eternalhorror, Vexen and Xigbar came up with him, their arms wrapped around the larger man's waist.

"Hey, what's up with Roxas?" Xigbar seemed worried. "You look a little pale. It's okay to take a break, you know, as long as you don't try to leave or anything."

"IDOWANTTOTAKEABREAK!" screamed Roxas, leaping out of the bed with a blanket wrapped around his waist. "A _long _break! A permanent break! What _happened _here?"

"Isn't it obvious?" smiled Vexen. "I can't imagine why you seem so surprised, XIII. We _are _Nobodies, after all. Born of the body and soul of a lost heart. And the body has certain needs. For example, _my _body needs yours. Right now."

"I second that notion!" cried Demyx cheerfully.

"Y-y-YAAAAAAAH!" Roxas let out an agonized cry of sheer terror and ran to the door.

It was locked, of course. The headache from before seemed like a paltry walk in the park, surrounded by hundreds of butterflies compared to the raging horror that was stampeding across his mindscape.

"You can't _leave_!" cried Marluxia's voice indignantly. Roxas didn't even turn around, but only continued to furiously yank the door handle. Oh, if only, if _only _there was a way to unlock this door and end the nightmare! Some sort of magic key to-

_Son of a_- Cursing his own stupidity, Roxas summoned Oblivion and raised it to strike down the accursed door, only to have a lance fly in from nowhere and trap it against the wall. Teeth bared in an animalistic snarl, he whirled around with his back to the wall. Xaldin's head popped up from the sea of Nobodies in the bed, a positively evil smirk on his face. "You're not going anywhere, XIII. Come back to bed!"

"_Never!_" roared Roxas. His fingers began scrabbling across the wall, searching for a crack, an indentation, anything he could use to tear the door down with his bare hands. "This is totally _pedophilia_! Even Demyx is at least, like, three years older than me!"

Roxas, like most people, was remarkably selective about his age. When it came to drinking, he was a legal adult. When it came to waking up, hung over, to find that he may have had sexual relations with his twelve coworkers, he was an innocent little minor. Ah, the joys of loopholes.

"Geez, Roxas, that's not what you said last night." frowned Demyx. "In your exact words: 'I know I'm only fifteen, Demmy, but I still want you to stick it up my-"

"ENOUGH!" Roxas screamed. "All I want is to get out of this motel, find a barrel, and dunk my head in it!"

"I've got a barrel right here, Roxy." smirked Xaldin.

"_That is not what I meant_!"

"Angry is good look for you, Roxas." commented Marluxia, flipping his hair seducingly.

"I'll say!" Larxene grinned. "Ooh, Roxy! I wish _I_ had a turn with you last night! Lex, why'd you have to hog him?" Lexaeus grinned sheepishly. "Ah, well, it's only morning. Let's make up for lost time, Roxy!"

Two cards appeared behind Roxas, blocking his passage to the door. If you can't figure out whose they were, go to school and educate yourself. If you already went to school and simply haven't played Kingdom Hearts 2, er, a little extra education never hurts.

Well, maybe sometimes.

By this point Roxas was hardly surprised to see Luxord appear in the bed next to Xaldin. _Gang's all here!_ he thought madly. _Everyone except-_

The door suddenly burst open and Luxord's cards were sent flying. Slowly, dreading to the core of his being what he was about to see, Roxas turned around and gave a small whimper at the sight before.

Number 1, The Superior, Head Honcho of the Organization himself, Xemnas, stood before him, stark naked, carefully cradling several cylindrical cans in his arms.

"Rejoice, subordinates!" he boomed. "Let the bards of the universe sing tales of my epic journey to the breakfast lounge, for I have suceeded in my mission and obtained the whipped cream!" He held the cans aloft for dramatic emphasis. "Commence the creamed whipping!"

The assorted members on the bed began to whoop for joy. Axel swung his arms around Demyx and Larxene, all three of them grinning happily. Zexion wept happily while Vexen and Luxord began a tickle fight. Feeling left out- and NO NOBODY leaves _Xemnas_ out- Xemnas jumped into the bed, spraying whipped cream all over his comrades.

Suddenly Zexion stopped crying and looked at the open doorway.

"Where'd Roxy go?"

* * *

"Um, George?" came a tentative voice from behind the receptionist counter. George, the resident motel janitor (and superhero by night- shhh!) looked up from the dirty floor he was mopping and over at his coworker Cindy, who for once was not engrossed in one of her teen magazines, and was instead staring at the open double doors of the motel in a mixture of awe, shock, disgust, and teenage (w)hormones.

"Yeah, Cindy? Someone's car get stolen out there?"

"Did a naked 15-year-old blond boy just go running through here and out the exit while screaming and waving a giant black key around?"

George stared at Cindy for a long time. Her gaze never wavered from the doors.

"Cindy, give me the drugs. I told you hallucinogens were bad news, but you never listen to me!"

"I'm serious!" Cindy waved her arms for emphasis. "It was at least 4 feet long!"

"_Dammit_, Cindy why do you think I want to _know _that?"

"I was talking about the _key_, pervert!"

"Whatever." George turned back to the floor, only to find that it had been sullied once more by bits of dust and plaster. He looked up at the ceiling, where the light fixture was swaying precariously and pieces of cheaply affixed plaster were falling off. "Sheesh! Do those guys on the floor above us ever _stop?_"

* * *

"AAAAAAAAAAAH!" screamed Sora as he sat bolt upright in bed. His Keyblade (mis)adventures were at least 7 years ago, but the nightmares never really went away. He was plagued by fitful dreams of chaos and slaughter, where the beasts of the darkness finally found him, alone and defenseless, and sank into his flesh, their beady yellow eyes boring into his soul as they rent his flesh apart…

Of course, he greatly preferred those to _this _type.

Kairi stirred next to him as he stood up and walked over to the window. "Sora? You okay?"

"I don't know, Kairi." replied Sora grimly as he watched the moonlit tide. "I don't know if I ever will be."

"Another nightmare?"

"Yep. Another _Roxas _nightmare. I feel soiled that my Nobody ever joined that crazy Organization. It's like they _raped _him. It's like they raped _me._"

Kairi felt sorry for her husband, who had sacrificed more than they thought on that journey. "Well… The past is the past, right? It's over now, so… Come back to bed, okay?"

"Yeah, Sora." echoed Riku, Donald, Goofy, Mickey, Minnie, Jiminy Cricket, Leon, Yuffie, Aerith, Cloud, and Pluto from their various positions on the bed. "Come back to bed."

Old habits never really die.

* * *

I say again. Forgive me.


	2. Twilight Town

I tried to resist, I really did. But do you know what happens when you refuse a plot bunny?

It gets mad. And mean.

Let's just say I'll never look at carrots and sewing needles the same way ever again.

---

Roxas ran.

Well, to call it merely running was the biggest understatement of the century. It was a desperate dash, a mad scramble to escape the very chaos that was currently seeping into his mind. The voices of his pursuers no longer belonged to them, but rather to a horde of devils come to drag him down to their pit of despair ad ecstasy.

"Rooooooooooxyyyyyyyyyy!"

Things had not been going well for Roxas since the annual faculty party.

He'd escaped from that nightmarish motel with nothing but the clothes on his back, and oh, hey, guess what? He hadn't even had those! In the tiny, dusty, peaceful little town of The World That Never Was (soon to become a bustling metropolis of prostitutes, neon lights, and cheap drugs, thanks to the financial "donations" of a certain regal rodent- but that's another story), the tale of the streaking Keybearer would live on in the memories of the people and fantasies of teenaged Dancers everywhere. He'd actually worn his hood _up_ for the past month so as to avoid notice, thereby depriving Nobodies across town to gaze longingly at his undeniable facial beauty- a veritable tragedy in anyone's eyes.

"Come baaaaaaack!"

Unfortunately, his escape had been short-lived. He had conveniently forgotten the whole "teleporting via darkness portals" shpeel (his golden locks were gorgeous to be sure, but they didn't do much to accentuate his INT stat), and so the Organization had easily swooped in like a mother eagle and taken him back to their nest. Nest of _pain!_ Ooh. Nest of pain. He'd have to write that one down. Some silver-haired fellow had showed up with some Neos during the chase, but Roxas merely assumed them to be the male prostitutes Xemnas had hired, and thus he completely ignored them. Lord knew the Superior had the same darkness fetish as his Other.

"Aw, come on, Roxy! At least hear us out!"

And so it was that Roxas was dragged back to the rotting shed that would someday become the Castle That Never Was. At the moment, they simply called it the Run-Down Hut That Never Should Have Been. Though the walls were half-eaten by termites and decaying beyond repair, they still managed to resist every Firaga spell Roxas threw at them.

The fact that he never once tried to teleport out should tell novels of his ravaged mindset. Or maybe it was just his blondness seeping through again? Either way, he'd been imprisoned in that tiny room for hours on end, let out only to relieve himself and grab food. One would think he'd look forward to a reprieve from the eternal boredom of his prison, but the fact that he was escorted by a shirtless, oiled-up, and lecherously grinning Lexaeus made him dread leaving the confines of his cell.

"He went that way! After him!"

They finally let him out, free to roam the "castle" as he pleased as long as he didn't try to escape. Frankly, Roxas would have preferred them to leave him in his room to die.

"I want to bear your children, Roxy!"

Every time he tried to go _anywhere, _he was greeted by the sight of the forever horny Axel and Larxene doing things that were illegal in 19 countries, right out in the middle of the floor. Roxas had once summoned the courage to suggest that maybe Axel should be on top. In response, Axel had handcuffed Roxas to a bed pole and poured mustard on his chest while Larxene licked ice cream off his toes. He'd wept in his room for weeks afterward.

"You can't escape, Roxy! You'll be ours soon enough!"

Demyx had apparently taken a special liking to him, as Roxas kept waking up only to find nude photos of the sitar player lying at the foot of his bed. Sometimes he'd awaken to find chunks of his hair missing, strands of which could be found littering the ground outside the door to Demyx' room. He couldn't prove it yet, but he thought someone was stealing all the photos he'd taken of himself. The fact that Demyx had a drawer in his desk kept constantly locked and labeled "Roxy Compensation" raised Roxas' suspicions.

"He's headed for the alleyway! We'll cut him off now!"

He wasn't exactly sure what VexZexLex were up to in the basement, but as he lay awake at night, listening to the screams and groans of pleasure wafting up from below, he could gather that it somehow involved rubber boots, test tube beakers, and whips. They were big on the whips. He had originally intended to call child services and inform them that innocent little Zexion was being molested, but that notion was forever dispelled in a blast of horror when he learned that Zexion was the one doing the molesting. He'd pretty much resolved to avoid the Three Stooges from here on out.

"Wait up, Roxas! I want your key inside me!"

Luxord had apparently discovered the joys of strip poker (damn those pirate folk and their influential ways, damn them straight to hell- Roxas was a ninja type of guy anyway, hence the Samurai) and had engaged Marluxia in multiple battles of cards and wits. Considering that the black cloaks were the only pieces of clothing Xemnas allowed them to wear (not a fun rule, especially when you're assigned to the Land Of Dragons), their games never really lasted very long. This, of course, appealed to both of them. Roxas had found himself thanking Yevon, The Planet, Walt Disney, etc. for the invention of the Firaga spell, as both cards and flowers were extremely flammable. He supposed there was some sick humor to be had in watching two naked men hugging each other and weeping while their weapons of choice burned around them, but he usually just took advantage of the distraction to run away.

"Call in the Dancers! He'll never resist them!"

He didn't even want to go into what Xaldin and Xigbar were doing. III could do things with those lances that boggled the imagination.

And then there was Saix. Furious at missing the faculty party due to his temporary incarceration at the Beast's, er, paws, he'd flown into a fit of rage that he claimed could only be sated via rough mansex with Xemnas, who happily complied. Thus, the entire Organization was treated to listening to their leader scream like a little girl, his cries of pleasure reverberating across the castle in that way only he could muster (sometimes Roxas wished he could have an echo follow him everywhere, until he remembered he wasn't an egotistical maniac). Not that any of them but Roxas even noticed, of course, them being too far enveloped in their own lewd activities.

"Dragoons! After him!"

But finally, blessedly, he'd escaped again. Demyx had been too busy staring at a picture of Roxas to notice the real Keybearer was running out the door he was guarding.

"Come back, little dude! I'm too sore to chase ya!"

But it hadn't gone off without a hitch. And so it was that Roxas found himself dashing down a dark alleyway in the city, the other 12 members on his heels. Narrowly dodging a well-thrown chakram, he turned a corner and found himself in front of the Skyscraper. Xemnas' voice echoed across the city in a booming monotone.

"End your resistance, Roxas! The whipped cream commands you!"

But then a second voice resounded across the open street, dripping in tones of self-satisfied justice and righteousness. "Halt, Nobody! You're coming with me."

OH DEAR LORD. It was Xemnas it was Xemnas it was Xemnas- Oh wait, it was Xemnas _with a tan. _Even worse.

Wait a moment. Xemnas didn't tan, he burned, a fact that he was all too fond of spouting every time Demyx complained about never visiting the Atlantica beach. Well, that and the fact that every time they arrived, some half-naked fish chick taught Waterboy how to sing "Finny Fun", which he would proceed to warble across the castle for months afterward.

Roxas longed for the days when half-nude fish women in clam bras were the extent of his worries.

But as it was, he could deduce that whoever this guy was, he was not Xemnas. This wasn't necessarily a good thing. Better the devil you know than the devil you don't and all that. However, Roxas had been trapped in a dungeon with the same 12 horny faces for the past 3 months, and so the very sight of a new person was enough to make him collapse with joy. No matter that this particular stranger was holding a vicious-looking black sword to his neck and was babbling nonsense about some sleeping Sora girl in his ear.

"-and then we'll hide you in Twilight Town and erase your memory and leave you alone for a year in a virtual reality world until Sora gets 98 percent of his memory back and then we'll trick you into going to the mansion and transplanting yourself into Sora so he wakes up and kills Heartless and saves the galaxy and then we'll all go back to the islands except I _can't_ because I'm a hideous _freak_-"

---

Deep in the depths of Riku's _black heart_, Xehanort growled angrily.

---

Roxas drew himself up into a sitting position, trying to tune out the silver-haired man's emo sobbing. He caught snippets of the monologue ("ugly", "hideous", "all your fault", and "my hair's less pretty" seemed prominent themes), but for the most part he was trying to listen for approaching Orgy members. Trying being the operative word- being in Xehanort's body, Riku carried the same affinity for being an obnoxious loudmouth as the Seeker Of Darkness himself, making it rather difficult to hear soft feminine footsteps creeping up from _over in that street!_

"Found him!" crowed Larxene triumphantly, malicious glee in her eyes. "Over here! This way!"

"Dude, is that chick _topless_?" asked the flabbergasted Riku, his eyes boggling. He acted as though he'd never seen a pair of breasts before. Roxas envied him.

"W-w-wait a sec." Roxas tried to remember what the man had been saying earlier. "You said you were going to take me away, far away, and hide me in virtual reality so the Organization can't find me?"

"Holy crap, they're all naked!" cried Riku as the rest of the Organization turned the corner.

"Pay attention!"

"What kind of world _is_ this?"

Roxas slapped Riku hard across the face, then grabbed his cloak lapels and dragged his face down so they were staring at each other eye-to-eye. "Listen up, you." he hissed. "I've been trapped with these people for the last _3 months_, listening to them do _God knows what _to each other, wondering every day if they were going to do the same thing to _me_. And I'll be _damned _if I'm going to let them recapture me because of _your_ virginal naiveté. _Are we clear?_"

"Crystal." whimpered Riku.

"Good. Now answer the question. _Are you or are you not going to get me out of here?_"

"Well, yeah." Riku replied haughtily, pushing himself away from Roxas. "That's kind of the idea. Then we'll hide you in a virtual reality world, where the Organization will neeeeever find you-"

He was cut off by the rapidly approaching Xemnas, who squealed in delight. "Xehanort! My beloved Other! I've been looking for you for_ev_er. Now, the time has come for us to make our souls- well, your soul and my empty shell- become one again! And the only way to do that is with hawt gay sex. Come to me, Me!"

---

Deep in the depths of Riku's _black heart, _Xehanort screamed in terror.

---

"Something tells me we should go!" yelled Riku quickly. "I don't wanna be raped!"

There was probably something funny about a tall, muscular tan man cowering and screaming "DON'T RAPE ME!", but damned if Roxas just wanted to get out of there. "Hurry, open the portal, _open the blasted portal!_"

"Yaaaaaah!" Just before Xemnas and the others closed in on them, Riku managed to teleport himself and Roxas to safety. Roxas could only let out a sigh of relief as he was enveloped by the welcoming darkness.

This relief was immediately dispelled upon seeing that in his panic, Riku had accidentally teleported them to The Land Of Dragons.

Damn Xemnas and his no boxers rule. Damn him straight to hell.

-------------------------------------

For DiZ, resident enigmatic red-bandaged ex-monarch of Radiant Garden, one of the numerous "Ansems" running around the galaxy, and the current self-appointed guardian of everyone's favorite Keybearing 15-year-old, it was one of those days.

Sora's memories were coming along at a snail's pace. Somehow, some way, the MCP had followed him here to Twilight Town. It was the only explanation, as no other piece of electronic equipment could be as deadset against screwing its User over as painfully and permanently as possible. There was nothing on TV. Mickey wasn't returning his calls. He supposed it was logical, the mouse having infiltrated Organization headquarters and all (he just hoped Mickey had his cell set to vibrate, otherwise he'd have the terrifying wrath of Disney's legal team on his ass) but he hated it when the world didn't conform to his every petty desire.

And to top it all off, Riku was bored.

When Riku was bored, he spun in his chair. And the chair squeaked.

Like it was now.

Over and over.

Unyielding torment, he had decided, had silver hair and a tan.

Riku continued to spin as he spoke. "So what was that all about?"

"Roxas' encounter with Namine put his heart in contact with Kairi's." replied DiZ, trying to act as though he hadn't said this 43 times already. "_That_ is what happened."

"Oh." Awkward silence ensued for the 44th time. Riku finally broke it, much to DiZ's surprise. "But I thought Roxas didn't _have _a heart. Being a Nobody and all."

"He… He doesn't." he replied, caught off guard. "It was just an expression."

"Oh." Silence again. "…Pretty crappy expression."

"Who is the genius here?" demanded DiZ. "All these computers here? You see them? That damn blindfold isn't on your face, obstructing your vision? Yeah, I _built them_. Don't you question my intelligence, boy."

"…They have the Encom label on the side!"

DiZ gritted his teeth and glared at Riku. "Consider this, my friend. You currently bear a _striking_ resemblance to Xehanort. You do recall my apprentice Xehanort, right? The boy who I found abandoned, raised like a son, fed, sheltered, and taught until his adult life? Yes, the man who proceeded to thank me by stealing my name, work, and life after locking me in an empty, lifeless world for eternity, and afterwards cavorted across the galaxy destroying my name and reputation? Yeah, him. So right now, at this very moment, I am tempted to reach over there and rip your ears off with my bare hands. Still want to mouth off?"

"…No."

There were too may awkward silences today.

"…So where's Namine?"

"Pah, _Namine…" _DiZ spat. "I cannot possibly conceive what you see in that girl. She is a _Nobody_, Riku!"

"She said she was coming over today. We were going to play Monopoly."

"She has no heart, and thus, she feels no compassion towards us nor our goals. Nobodies by definition will only work towards one goal: the reclamation of their lost hearts!"

"I was going to be the car."

"Special as she may be, the girl is not exempt from the very laws that constitute her being on this world. Sora may have made an impression on her, but it cannot have been enough to sway her over to our side. I refuse to accept it."

"She's always the car, but this time she was going to let me have it. Cause she _always _gets it. It was so unfair."

"Of course, there is a chance she is aiming to place us in her debt. But how? What could we possibly offer her? Surely she must know that we cannot give her a new heart, so why…? Ah, Kairi. But that brings up the question: which is more important to a Nobody whose former self still lives? Gaining their heart anew, or reuniting with the old one? Xemnas seemed inclined towards the first option, but we may not be able to compare Namine to him, given the circumstances…"

"I love the car…"

"Good LORD_, what is wrong with you_?" roared DiZ, his last thread of patience exploding in a glorious blaze. Riku cowered back into his chair.

"I liked hanging out with Mickey better!"

"Besides, Namine hates you."

Riku frowned. "And just what reason would she have to feel anything but undying love and fierce lust for me?"

"You asked her if she and Roxas were Nazis."

"They both have blond hair and blue eyes, DiZ. It's a _conspiracy_, I'm telling you."

DiZ sighed in frustration. "Right, because everyone with blond hair and blue eyes is a Nazi. Of course. _How _could I be so blind to it. …Why Xehanort picked you as his vessel, I'll never know…"

"**I mistook him for Sephiroth, dammit!**" Riku bellowed suddenly, his eyes flashing red. "**They look so alike, it was hard to tell the difference! How was I supposed to know?**" The moment passed, and the wide-eyed boy fearfully clamped his hands over his own mouth as though trying to prevent another outburst.

DiZ blinked.

"Well, _that _isn't a good sign."

---

For Roxas, heaven resided somewhere between Sea and Salt, and he was pretty sure frozen cream came into the mix somewhere too.

Life was good in Twilight Town, as usual. Sure, summer vacation was almost over (a minor bummer in anyone's eyes, but apparently not Hayner's- they'd been forced to remove all knives, razors, and other cutting implements from the Spot to prevent the blond boy from bleeding his life juices out his arms in despair) but for some reason, Roxas was feeling pretty darned chipper about getting back and seeing everyone's smiling faces again.

He wasn't sure why he was so looking forward to his classmates' presence, seeing as how he had free rein to roam the city and visit his school chums pretty much at will. But something inside him, for some inexplicable reason, caused him to feel a leaping joy at the prospect of

_(-trapped in a dungeon with the same 12 horny faces-)_

meeting new people.

But he couldn't deny a pang of sorrow at the loss of his summertime freedom, a pang that couldn't be sharper as he sat here alone, sucking his beloved sea-salt ice

_(-licked ice cream off his toes-)_

cream, reflecting on the past few months he'd enjoyed.

This summer had been a pretty damn good one, he though satisfyingly, as good as it got in the quiet little village. Although, he had to admit, it'd also been pretty strange, especially near the end. That guy in the black cloak

(-_boxer rule-)_

who had stolen his munny, for one thing. That girl in white- Namine, she'd called herself? And then there was that whole Struggle fiasco, where a man in red bandages had been spotted hauling away a crimson-haired fellow in a T-shirt reading "COME BACK ROXY." Roxas had wished to investigate upon hearing his "nickname", but both men were nowhere to be found.

He'd been having some weird dreams lately, too. Some boy in weird clothes, with a hairstyle dwarfed only by the size of his shoes, ran around with a dyslexic duck and a weird hillbilly dog-man-thing, smacking shadows with a giant house key. It looked like it was supposed to be the tale of some grand adventure, though Spike spent about half of every night getting his ass handed to him by some silver-haired guy in a coliseum instead.

He shook his head and sighed wearily, trying to figure out when this had all started. The dreams had been going on for a while, but as far as he could tell, the first strange event that affected him during the waking hours was when the pictures had been stolen. He still didn't know why the townsfolk blamed him just because they were all his pictures. Didn't it ever occur to them that he could just have a stalk-

_(-ROXY COMPENSATION!-)_

AH! Roxas clenched his head and tried to fight off the surge of thoughts rushing into his brain. They were almost like… memories… But that was impossible, right? No one knew him better than him, and he was sure he'd never been a part of the nightmarish black-cloaked world he saw during these "flashbacks".

Well, he just needed to get some sleep. Going to bed early during his last few days of summer didn't exactly appeal to Roxas, but he needed to clear his thoughts. It wouldn't do to start a brand new school year with a jumbled-up brain, right?

He trudged back into the direction of his house, savoring the last traces of warm summer air and the taste of the half-melted popsicle in his mouth. His parents greeted him at the door with their customary antics- "HELLO. SON. HOW. WAS. YOUR DAY. GO. TO. THE. MANSION. RIKU. IS. COOL. AH HA. HA. RIKU. YOU IDIOT. STOP. TYPING." Apparently they were going through a "robot" phase. Oh, his nutty family. He chuckled warmly.

No, he resolved as he walked up the stairs, things would never change around here. They couldn't! Twilight Town was a peaceful, reclusive little world, safe from the chaos and problems of the galaxy. He was safe here, safe… forever.

He opened the door to his room.

And his mouth hit the ground.

He really didn't understand what he was seeing. His brain just couldn't comprehend, and was attempting to compensate by offering him a mental image of adorable puppies. But the horror in front of him overrode even that tranquil safeguard. Dear lord, even the puppies couldn't stop it.

A voice- a terribly, awfully, horrifyingly _familiar_ voice- snickered behind him. A naked man with fiery red hair and clownish makeup stood in his doorway, a little too close for comfort.

"Told ya you couldn't run, Roxy!"

And Roxas could only gape, his eyes widening in fear, shock, disgust, and…

…nostalgia?

_It all began to come back._

…

Oh, shit. Ohhh, _shit!_

---

The _really _sad thing, DiZ reflected as he stared at the monstrosity onscreen, was not that he was disgusted and horrified by what he was seeing. It was that he wasn't.

As much as he hated to dwell on it, the fact was: he was pretty much used to it by now. Xemnas and his cronies hadn't gained their wretchedly perverted mentalities overnight, after all. No, as much as Xehanort and the other apprentices tried to hide it, they had always been this way. He'd frequently woken up to find the labs in disarray and the white coats discarded- for some reason, he couldn't shake the feeling that the Organization's current attire was inspired by the very garments he'd found laying on the floor next to a post-all-nighter "experiment". Ick.

In fact, he wouldn't be surprised if being insanely hormone-driven was actually an essential requirement of becoming a Nobody, as VII-XII shared the same characteristics as the original six. Roxas, oddly enough, seemed resistant to the Nobody gene- but DiZ had seen him _during _the original faculty party, and knew that as much as he tried to hide it, the boy was the horniest one of them all.

…Which raised some questions as to the quality of the boy in the cocoon that DiZ had wasted the past year's worth of labor on. But he didn't want to think about that lest he hang himself by his own bandages.

But as it stood, DiZ had gained a sort of pitiful immunity to the disgustingly lewd, and so it was that he was able to stare calmly at the screen and immediately begin devising a means of countermeasure.

Riku was not so lucky.

"OH MY GOD WHAT IS THAT." managed the tanned man-boy (boy-man? Uh…) as he gaped at the screen depicting the scene unfolding in Roxas' bedroom.

"It appears to be the children Hayner, Pence, and Olette." remarked DiZ casually. "Performing acts of a sexual nature."

"HOLY CRAP I'M GOING TO BARF."

"They are accompanied by those hooligans Seifer, Fuujin, and Raijin, the virtual counterparts of the ruffians who broke our windows. Do you know how hard I had to work to reconstruct- oh, that's right, I made you do it."

"THAT THING RAIJIN DOES WITH HIS- OH GOD THAT'S SICK."

"Let us be glad that the Vivi file, at least, has not been tampered with. That would be pedophilia, which I doubt Disney would stand for. I suspect his hat must have scared them off. Or perhaps it ate them- Even always was a slow runner."

Breathing into a bag, Riku finally managed to regain his composure. "S-so you're saying the Organization did this?"

"Undoubtedly." sniffed DiZ. "I shall send Namine to banish the fire-wielder back from whence he came. Fortunately, Roxas is as stubborn as ever, and refuses to give in. I expect a simple memory wipe will suffice to put this unpleasant memory behind him. And perhaps you as well. The bag seems to have done little."

"Please don't say bag."

"A setback like this will be hard to overcome, of course-"

"Don't say hard either."

DiZ sighed in frustration. "Would you like to leave the room, Riku? I know- go visit the real Twilight Town inhabitants, and convince yourself it was a horrible dream. That should work."

Riku eagerly agreed and departed, though DiZ noticed an sickly look on his face as he called for Namine. Bah, the boy had no idea the true horrors the Organization was capable of. This little scenario was but a trifle compared to-

He looked back at moniter.

"Oh, dammit, Riku."

---

Terrified beyond all reason, Roxas backed up, only to bump back into Axel. He whirled around and tried to get past the naked man, but that would require touching him. Roxas would not comply. He fell to the ground, scrabbling up against a shelf.

His memories had returned, but he couldn't figure out why Hayner and Seifer and everyone else were on his bed, doing things that were-

-illegal in 19 countries. As he looked back at the smirking Axel, it all clicked into place. Axel needed more people, otherwise it wouldn't be an orgy. So he simply messed with Ansem's computer.

But wait. Where on earth had all these naked women come from? They appeared out of nowhere, happily joining the gang on the bed. Roxas didn't recognize them at all! He looked over at Axel in confusion, but the older man shrugged innocently.

"Hey, I didn't invite _them._ They came with the territory."

---

"_RIKU_!" screamed DiZ in rage as he checked the computer's downloads section. The Twilight Town gang was one thing, but Axel couldn't have summoned all those women as well. "_I TOLD YOU TO STOP LOOKING AT PORNOGRAPHY WITH MY COMPUTER_!"

--

"Anyway," Axel grinned lecherously, moving in on the terror-stricken Nobody, "We went to all the trouble of Organizing this little shindig, so the least you can do is thank us by having a good time…"

"_Never!_" replied Roxas defiantly, trying to block out Olette and Pence's groans. "I won't give in! Just gotta… escape…"

"Give it _up_!" sneered Axel. "Just come back to us already, Roxy. You know you want me. You know you want _all _of us."

And as Number VIII laughed wickedly, Roxas could swear he heard 11 other voices giggling in unison, mocking his resistance. "N-no…" he whimpered, sinking to the ground. "I _won_'_t_… I'm not like you…"

"Can you not feel it, Roxy? That burning _passion_. The flames of lust… smoldering in your heart…"

"We don't _have_ hearts!" roared Roxas in defiance. "And if we did, mine would be telling me to get the hell out of here, not join in! Now get _out _of my room!"

"But Roxy," Axel smiled, the leer of a spider who has found the ensnared fly. "We're Disney. It's in our blood."

And suddenly, it dawned on Roxas just what Axel meant.

Those dandelions in the Pride Lands.

That castle in the background of Atlantica.

The way you could sometimes hear Aladdin slipping innuendo into his speech.

_It all made so much sense._

"We're highly appealing, sexually attractive bishounen." Axel said to the horrified boy. "This is what we do. Don't deny it anymore, man."

And Roxas couldn't.

---

"DiZ!" the aforementioned enigma swiveled around in his chair, as Riku and Namine ran into the dimly lit room. Confusion was evident on the blond Nobody's face. "What's going on? What's happening? Why is Riku sobbing like a girl?"

"It's horrible!" wailed Riku, clinging to Namine's leg. "Th-they're naked, and doing _things._ On the bed. All of them! At once! Waaaah!"

"It's really nothing to worry about." DiZ motioned for them to approach the moniter. "I know it looks bad, but it's not a real problem. Just get in there, get rid of Axel, and wipe Roxas' memory. That's all-"

He was rudely interrupted by Namine, who was pointing a shaky finger at the screen.

"Uh, DiZ? I.. I think it's a problem _now._"

"Oh god dammit, Roxas." DiZ groaned.

---

If you can't beat them, join them, Roxas decided as he looked over at his classmates on the bed.

And that, my friends, is exactly what he did.

---

"Alright, alright, it's fine." DiZ frantically tried regain control over the situation. "Everyone regain calm, we'll just go in there, take back Roxas, screw around with his personality a bit-"

Was it just him, or was it a lot quieter in here than normal? Riku's screams were gone.

And so, DiZ realized as he looked around the room, was he. And Namine.

Their clothes, however, were not, and were laying across the floor in a discarded and hurried fashion.

His finger wavered atop the sleek and alluring DELETE button, twitching ever so slightly.

And when two new sets of groans joined in on the speakers, it descended.

--

He fell to the ground, his mind and body still trapped in that chasm between sleep and awakening. The jarring impact with the white-tiled floor was enough to shake him from his slumber, and on weak legs, he managed to pull himself into a kneeling position.

Everything was white, a blank world of scattered

dreams?

and far-off memories. He had the feeling that it had been this way for a long, long time. Turning to look behind him, he could make out what appeared to be giant flower, which he must have been sleeping in.

But… why?

And for that matter, who was he?

He rubbed the back of his spiky brown head, trying to sort out his memories. Last he remembered, he… he…

He didn't remember anything at all, not even his name. Or why his feet were so big, for that matter.

As he turned his head forward again, preparing to stand up and make sense of this, when suddenly the white was enveloped by red. Squinting at the sharp contrast in color, he managed to make out what appeared to be an angry-looking man all wrapped up in red bandages.

Without even a hello, the man hoisted him to his feet, shoving a large metallic object into his hands. Upon further inspection, it appeared to be a giant key.

"_Your name is Sora,_" hissed the red-bandaged man in a frustrated and weary tone, "_and you are the Keybearer._"

--

Meh. I liked the first one better.


End file.
